Which Comes First: Family or Work?

Watch out—this is a trick question.

If you answered, “Family,” you could miss out on important opportunities to improve your family’s quality of life—and isn’t that a big part of the reason you’re working? There are times when a situation at work is legitimately urgent and needs your attention more than your family needs you. I remember seeing on TV news that coal miners were trapped and emergency-service personnel worked through the night to save them. That is truly a matter of life. A family would not only understand, but be proud. But these events aren’t routine—fortunately.

If you answered, “Work,” you could be alienating your family or putting them at risk of influence by questionable people who don’t have your family’s best interests in mind. There are times when matters at home are more urgent than matters at work and require you to put family first. I remember cringing when American Idol contestants missed the birth of a child and the marriage of a sister. Imagine, for the rest of your life, not being in those pictures—not having those memories—and having your family forever remind you about choosing work over them. These events don’t happen every week.

The leadership answer to the question, “Which comes first: work or family?” is, “It depends.” If you always choose one over the other, then the other will always know that you can’t be relied upon. But if you let the situation determine the priority, then everyone in your life will know that they have a chance of getting your attention when the situation requires you to make exceptions in their favor. This is one way to earn respect—and a big step in becoming a leader.